10 years! Can you believe it?!

Wow, I seriously cannot believe my husband and I have made it to this milestone. We started dating when we were 14 and 15 years old. At the time we were just "going out" and having fun being young teenagers. My mom did not approve and tried repeatedly to break us up, and like many teenagers we did several times, we had long drawn out fights about nothing, but we had such a strong love for each other even then.

Here is a picture of us when we were both 16 in 2002

We spent 3 years living free and and in love only worrying about school, work, and having fun. Then 2 days after I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant. It felt like the end of the world, I was so scared and I knew my husband (boyfriend at the time) wasn't going to be happy. I knew I was keeping the baby, I dont personally believe in abortion but I do support the right to choose, and adoption wasn't something i felt I could do. It was with the support of both our families and the strong bond we had cemented over those years we entered a new chapter in life.

Parenthood

Robert Elijah was born via C-section on April 10th 2006, at a whopping 11 pounds 4 ounces and 20.5 inches long, he impressed all the nurses and immediately stole my heart. It was really at that moment I felt like I had a purpose in my life. I had never held a newborn in my life, and holding my son for the first time felt so natural, I immediately knew how to hold him, change his diaper, breastfeed, It was like I was meant to do it my entire life. 

Life started racing by after my son was born and before I knew it he was turning a year old, and while being parents was such an exciting ride, maintaining a relationship was a different story. Our relationship was reaching an end even though we had set a wedding date that was creeping closer every day, I sought shelter and understanding way too often with a mutual male friend of ours and this eventually led to the cancellation of our wedding and our big break up.

It only took a couple weeks for me to realize what a huge mistake I had made, our son was having a very hard time with it, not to mention myself and my husband, we had spent almost every waking moment with each other for the last 5 years. I really missed my best friend and father of my child and went crawling back begging for forgiveness, obviously he took me back since now we are celebrating 10 years. 

Immediately after we got back together we had such a renewed sense of love and commitment we started working on baby number two. I got pregnant fast and we were so happy, until all the walls started crashing down around us, our son Robert who until this point had hit every milestone early and with flying colors started regressing and acting not himself. He had gotten 12 vaccines in one day and within a week started losing words, and without a better way to explain started losing the light in his eyes. The day Asher was born was a very happy and sad day, my new perfect baby had come into the world healthy and my beloved Robert had completely stopped talking. 

Asher Leys

The month Asher was born we also moved, I graduated from college, and my Husband and I finally got married, after 6 years and 2 kids it was long overdue.

Marriage

Since my husband and I had been living together and raising a child for the past 2 years marriage wasn't very different from normal life. We did the same things, acted the same, nothing really changed not even my last name ( I was too lazy to change it, so embarrassing). We started the journey of how are we going to fix/help Robert, this is still an ongoing journey, which I will explain more in a later post. Asher was growing and Robert was improving and life was good for a while. We lived in a very small two bedroom apartment just two blocks from my husbands work, so did get to see each other a lot. My husband had started to drink more and more and while I didn't see it as a problem, he wasn't hurting me or my children, he didn't yell or get angry when he was drunk, I was just unaware of the real problem...Lying. One night my husband and I attended a party and he got wasted and even puked in the bushes and I was so upset and hurt that he had ruined a great night by getting out of control. He attended an AA meeting the very next night and started the road to recovery.

Through attending meetings and working the steps a brand new person started emerging, a person who was a complete stranger to me and someone I wasn't extremely sure about. Then it happened one night, we were talking and he couldn't keep it in any longer and confessed to cheating on me 3 times. I wasn't shocked, I had a feeling he had I just never really knew, and now I was forced to confront a truth I didn't even want to deal with. I was upset, angry, hurt, I felt betrayed, decieved, and, for lack of a better word, dirty. I started spending a great deal of time away from my husband, as soon as he would get home from work I would leave and go to my mom's house. I needed space, and time, a lot of time to think and feel and cry and heal. When I wasn't so upset we talked and the first few times we talked it didn't end well, we were seriously considering a divorce.

I never wanted my kids to experience a broken home like I did, and neither did my husband. We decided to give this all we had and really try and the only way we could fix it was to really really try. I started with a list of 5 things he had to complete within 30 days to show me he was seriously committed to making it work, he did. We started really talking and getting to the root of what had happened and to why and how we had ended up where we were. Through lots of talking, understanding, crying, laughing, and love; we ended up on the other side, together, happy, and back in love. 

It wasn't long after we decided to add the 3rd and final child to our family, and started working very hard to get pregnant. This time it was easier said then done it took nearly 6 months but finally Super Sunday 2011 that pee test showed two pink lines and I was over the moon excited. Jaxsen Donahue was a blessing from the moment i knew he was coming and even more so once he finally got here.

Jaxsen Donahue

Our Story started randomly and just never ended. I can honestly say I have never been more in love with my husband, or more happy in my entire life. I love all my children more than I could ever possibly explain, I can't wait for my Husband to get home from work so I can just spend time with him, and I have a strong knit support circle of people I seriously love. Life is good.

Happy 10 years to a wonderful Husband an extraordinary Father and a wonderful human being.

Book Review: The Secret Lives of Wives

The Secret Lives of Wives written by Iris Krasnow was a great book. I enjoyed reading it for the most part, i found her to be a bit staunch in her views sometimes, and a little judgemental of the "out there" lifestyles. All in all though I did like the message and the main point of the book, which is how to stay married long term. My husband and I have been together almost 10 years now, and this book really did change the way i felt about marriage, I have always thought marriage should be a forever thing and I knew I didn't want to get divorced, but it is something about the social climate in America that continues to tell you it is alright to get divorced and in some cases you are badgered into it or even praised for doing it. In this day Marriage is viewed as disposable, Iris comes from a different time when you stuck it out, worked it out, or toughed it out. I have similar views to her, I didnt want a disposable marriage and I didn't realize the key factor in making a marriage last according to Krasnow is finding happiness in yourself, and outside the marriage. Through the chapters in this book in which she interviews many women from all walks of life who have been married a considerable amount of time she weaves a portrait of a healthy marriage designed to go the distance. I would recommend this book to all wives, but especially those from my generation, so younger women can see what it truly takes and means to be married.